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6 Steps on How to Create Real Change

Change is essentially about moving from where you are now to a new destination and in this respect it can be likened to a journey that you do not usually take. Therefore It has many of the same fears associated with it. This is primarily because it will take you to unfamiliar territories and in doing so away from your zone of familiarity.

There are ways to plan for greater success in your journeys though and here are 6 steps to help you create and achieve real change.

1: Do you want to and are you willing? If you are reading this, then it would probably suggest that you are looking to change something and this is the first and probably most important step. Because without the desire and willingness to change, there is very little chance of change happening. If you have gotten this far though, I think we can probably agree that you are looking for a desired change. So step one is complete.

2: Specify what to change and why: This may seem a very obvious step, but if you are unable to provide a convincing specific reason to even yourself, change is unlikely to occur. For instance if you decide you would like more money in your life, are you clear on what it is for? However, if you decide you would like more money because you would like to buy a new car, there is now more specificity. Once this is determined and Identified you now have specifics on what to focus on. This not only makes the following steps easier, it is a major contributing factor of a successful change. This is primarily because, to say we desire more money or that you would like to be happier, lacks a specific destination to move towards; both are more often than not a byproduct of something we do or don’t do and are more of an end goal than anything we can tangibly imagine or specifically visualise.

3: Make a Plan: if we look at this again like a journey to a new destination. One of the very first things we do is put the destination into a satnav and this generally lets us know how long it may take, which way to travel and where you will pass along the way. In the same way, when we make a new plan, one of the first steps you can take is to create a focus board. Generally a focus board is a picture and or short statement of what we would like to achieve. This as the name suggests is a way to maintain focus on the destination. If you do not regularly remind yourself of where you are heading, it will often take a lot longer to get there and sometimes you may even completely forget where you were heading. Do some research and collect some ideas on how you can move towards your desired destination. For example, if you wanted to learn a new language, look at what classes are in your area or what online lessons are available and decide which best suits you at the present time. Making a plan does not require having all the details worked out before you take the first step either. Every step you take is a step forward and your end goal will continue to get clearer with each step.

4: Consistency: As far as I know we haven’t yet created a teleportation device, so we still get from one place to another, one step at a time and this is the same for change. The basic premise of consistency is to follow one step with another and then another and so on because if you do not, how will you ever get to your destination? This is where we refer back to step 3, our planning stage and see what the next step will be, to get us closer to our goals. It is also important to remember that on each step of your plan to appreciate how far you have come and to observe your destination getting closer and becoming more in focus with each step. This serves many purposes including being a motivation to help you take the next step.

5: Be aware and Adapt: At the start of a journey the destination can often seem a little vague, but as you get closer and closer you begin to see more detail and this aids in choosing what the next step is. Often even on the simplest of journeys things can and almost certainly will not go quite according to plan and the ability to adapt at these times is highly advisable. The more aware you are the more likely you are to discover new things along the way. This is all part of why being aware and adapting as you go is an important part of change. Because the plans you are making for yourself and the goals you are setting to get there will almost certainly be unfamiliar to you, or else they would not be a change.

6: Rest and reflect: It’s often when we look back on a journey that we realise just how far we have come and that we have so many amazing tales and stories to share, especially the bits we weren’t anticipating happening. This reflection happens when we give ourselves time to rest, breath and recuperate and this is an essential part of change and also for having a better idea of which direction to head in next. Because it is often only when we stop to rest and reflect that some of the most important observations can be made.

Remember As with all things the first steps can be a little slower and more wobbly than the ones that follow, so please be kind and supportive of all your achievements no matter how small you think they are at the time. Also take the time to stop and congratulate yourself, because each of these steps have been your choice towards your goals and hopefully a happier version of you.

Do Your Words Support & Encourage Your Growth, or Hold You Back & Belittle You?

All, Wellbeing

The person we speak to and listen to the most is ourselves, as we all have a near constant narrative going on in our minds. Because of this, the relationship we have with ourselves is the most important one there is, especially as we are the only person we are guaranteed to be with 24-7, for our entire life.

If we also take into account that the mind registers little difference, if any, between physical, mental or emotional pain or reward, no matter where it comes from, ie. from the outside from other people, or from our own internal narrative. The way in which we talk and refer to ourselves is of paramount importance, especially as our words are also a window to our beliefs of not only how we view others and the world, but also how we see and treat ourselves.

This is a very simplified understanding of how we work, but explains a little about why the words we use are so important to us. If you find yourself berating your own efforts or putting yourself down, do you think it might be time for an upgrade of your words?

The first step in this process is to listen to the words you say to yourself, in the most impartial way you can. You can do this by imagining it is a conversation between a stranger and the person you most care for and love in this world. In this scenario, you are the stranger talking to your loved one but doing so in the same way you generally talk to yourself in moments of frustration. Then it is about being honest with yourself and deciding if you are happy with the way your most cared for and loved person in the world is being spoken to. For instance, can you hear a narrative of an abusive person being spoken by the ‘stranger’ or is the ‘stranger’ being supportive, caring and respectful.

Another way we help our clients with understanding which words are more appropriate, is to be aware of how they feel when they say them. This may sound a little odd at first as we are not ordinarily taught to feel the words we speak but once you understand this concept, you will appreciate the value of its meaning. So, to explain further; one of the phrases we generally highlight with our clients is their use of “have to” as it can more often feel very different to saying “want to”. This is because to say “have to” do something has a feeling more like a chore whereas “want to” has a feeling of choice and deliberate action about it.

There are many reasons you talk to yourself in the way that you do and these have been primarily formed over your formative years. As you begin the process of listening to your own self-talk, you may begin to hear that you echo the ways in which those around you speak and or spoke to you. These are all subjects worthy of their own discussions and for those of you who follow our blogs, you can look forward to investigating topics such as this but for the purpose of this blog, the lesson we are hoping you take is this; if you wouldn’t say something to your loved ones in fear of upsetting or offending them, why say it to yourself? Show yourself the respect you deserve, speak kindly to yourself and in doing this, learn to feel the difference between the words that put you down and the worlds that pick you up. Your words are powerful and if used in the right way will have a wonderfully positive effect on how you view yourself and subsequently how you feel.